


Legend of the Headless Knight

by disgustiphage



Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-18
Updated: 2010-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-08 01:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disgustiphage/pseuds/disgustiphage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shake is up to his old shenanigans again, messing with pools and gory alternate dimensions</p>
            </blockquote>





	Legend of the Headless Knight

  "Gentlemen, behold!" Dr. Weird said. The metal door behind him lifted with a mechanical creek, smoke billowing out from the bottom. Within the fading curtain of gray was a gigantic can of beans, and nothing more.  
  "Whoa," Steve said, "Is that lunch, or... ?"  
  "Bow your ass down to the can of refilled beans," Dr. Weird said, pointing at Steve, "or suffer... the consequences," he growled, then quickly let out a hearty laugh. Steve joined in with a forced chuckle, backing away slowly.  
  "So, uh, refilled? Not _refried_?" Steve said. "Refilled with _what_?"    
  "Your mother!"  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  "What did I tell you about changing the channel?" Master Shake said, whipping out his baseball bat. He awoke like storm, from what Meatwad was sure was a deep sleep, hopping down from the yellow armchair and swinging wildly.  
  "But you was sleepin'," Meatwad said, just barely dodging the first attack. He rolled across the room to hide behind a toppled, sparking machine, eyes darting to and fro, searching for a chance to escape, or for Frylock.  
  "Get over here, dammit! How can you learn if you refuse," _swing_ , "to accept," _swing_ , "your punishment?" Shake chucked the bat in Meatwad's direction, missing once again and leaving a nicely smoldering hole where it exploded. "Now look what you did! Come here!"  
  "Frylock!" Meatwad darted out the door, Shake closing in behind him and flying out and onto the lawn when he tripped over the little ball of meat, suddenly stopped in his tracks.  
  "Oh, Hi Carl!"  
  "Hey, Meatman, Cup, how's it goin' over here?" Carl said, his tone calm, hands plastered to his hips. Shake rose and dusted himself off, nervously laughing.  
  "Hey, Carlos, what's up?" Shake said over Meatwad's cheerful babble, "If this is about your pool, I didn't do it."  
  "Oh yeah?" Carl scoffed. Meatwad took this opportunity to crawl back inside, shutting the door behind him. "Then who did?"  
  "It was... the... the Headless Knight!" Shake said. "He comes around every Tuseday night to steal swimming pools and send them to his home dimension. He didn't come before since you, Carl, quite frankly haven't been taking very good care of your pool! The pH balance is all out of whack. But the Headless Knight, he said _screw it_ and he decided to take your pool anyway." Shake hobbled towards Carl as if to comfort him. "Don't be mad at him, he's dumb as hell. He doesn't have a head."    
  "Okay, first, back off." Carl raised his hands. Shake complied. "Second, it's Friday. Third, I'm calling the freakin' cops. _Hopefully_ , they'll actually show up this time." Carl shook his head and started towards his house.  
  "Nonono! Wait, Carl, buddy!" Shake cried after him, chasing him up until the door was slammed in his face. "Dammit!"  
  "Shake, what are you doing?" Frylock said, surprising him.  
  "What are you doing back so soon?" Shake said.  
  "Well, I-"  
  "Haha look at you, you thought I cared about your boring day," Shake laughed. "I'm going inside." Shake hopped across the lawn and back into the house. Frylock followed, a tad miffed and suspicious, but this was nothing new or unusual.  
  "There you are!" Shake said, finding Meatwad resting in the armchair.  
  "Fryylock!"  
  He sighed and pinched his forehead with a fry, and cried out with grief at the machine that had dragged into the living room, tipped onto its side, and used as a table.  
  "Shake!" Frylock said. Meatwad rolled in under him, cowering before the violent milkshake.  
  "What?" Shake demanded, "you've got that tone again. It's like you hate me! And that's impossible, because I am a kind, gentle, generous person!" Frylock narrowed his eyes. Shake calmly added, "I'm not like you."  
  "No, you are not," Frylock groaned. "Did you mess with my dimensional transmogrifier?"  
  "Yes... and no. But mostly no, because it was the Headless Knight!" Shake said.  
  "Somehow, I doubt that." Frylock said, "Do you not know the ramifications of messing with-"  
  "-The incredibly dorky things you make, yeah, yeah." Shake said, rolling his eyes. "Why don't you just stop making them if you don't want them to be messed with? It's common freakin' sense! If you don't want a river of blood running through your house, you don't build things that can do that!"  
  Perfectly on cue, blood rushed through the cracks in the door and through the open windows and burst from the tv screen. Frylock, eyes wide, hovered a little higher. "See?" Shake said. "This is your fault, Scientist."  
  "Hey, we can play hot lava now! Don't touch the lava, it'll burn off you skin and make, uh, a booboo," Meatwad said, jumping up onto the machine.  
  "Dumbass, it's the blood of the damned, not lava." Shake said, plopping down onto the chair. Fruitlessly, he channel surfed the still gushing TV. Frylock blocked him.  
  "Shake, _what did you do_?"  
  "Damn, I don't know! Quit asking me things!" Shake said. "The Headless Knight probably messed with while you were yelling at me. He does crap like that. Every Tuesday, like clockwork."  
  "It's _Friday_ , Shake!"  
  "Well, if we had a calendar, we wouldn't be debating this!" Shake said, "Now move aside, I've got a date with the Sci-Fi channel. _Dino-Hitler_ is on tonight."  
  Before allowing Shake to even finish his sentence, Frylock blasted the TV with his laser eyes, creating a massive spray of blood and fire as if a highly entertaining cow had exploded in their faces.  
  "What the hell was that for?" Shake said. "As your leader, I demand you clone a new TV. Right now."  
  "No."  
  "Hey, uh..." Meatwad nervously said, "Is the walls s'posed to be bleedin' up? 'Cause that ain't natural."  
  "This is... interesting," Frylock said, examining the walls. "Meatwad's right. My transmogrifier is definitely malfunctioning, and the effects are escalating. _Shake_."  
  A knock came at the door, strange considering blood continued to seep from all sides. Opening the door changed the flow, causing it to fall from the doorframe like a gory waterfall. Carl stepped through. Or at least, it looked like Carl. Once.  
  "Uh... Hi, Carl. You loose some weight? You look good, man."  
  "Hey Fryman," Carl said, "I have lost some weight, but I think I liked having freakin' arms and insides and skin just fine, y'know? I know some broads like it freaky, haha, but not having much of a penis anymore kinda kills the mood, if ya catch my drift."  
  Beyond Carl was a world covered in red, bloody skies and homes and earth covered in squirming meat. Gigantic eyes roamed the streets on stalks and clouds dripped pus like viscous rain. And, if one listened carefully, one might hear the faint melodies of Cannibal Corpse playing in the distance.  
  Carl continued, "I figured since youse guys were usually responsible for this sorta crap... you'd be responsible for this crap."  
  "Dammit, Shake-" Frylock said, interrupting himself with a gasp when a sword appeared from behind Carl, piercing his gut and flying upwards, slicing him in half like a knife through butter. Emerging from the blood curtain was a heavily armored man, swinging his sword and planting it in one of Carl's halves.  
  "Oh, nice, thanks, that feels freakin' great," Carl muttered, somehow. "Asshole."  
  "Oh my god," Frylock said. "Who the hell are you?"  
  "Dude, I'm the Headless Knight," the armored man said. He extended a hand. "This is really embarrassing, but screw it, I can't take the guilt anymore. I'm sorry man, I was the one who messed with your transmogrifier and stole this man's pool. Haha, just, y'know, one of those crazy Tuesday nights...."  
  "Holy crap!" Shake said, "It's him, isn't it?" Shake jumped from the chair and into the blood, wading through the disgusting liquid.  
  "You touched the lava. You dead, boy." Meatwad said. Shake reached the door and shoved Frylock aside. "...Wait, you was supposed to die! Oh no, ghosts!"  
  "Hey, wait a minute," Shake said, scrutinizing the Headless Knight. "I thought you were supposed to be headless."  
  "Uh, I am. Just not in the place you'd expect."  
  "...Oh. That sucks."


End file.
